It Is Not For Me To Question God's Will (Caution, tear-jerker)...

I know nothing compared to the Lord's wisdom and the plans he has in store for each of us; however, if I could ask God one thing, I would want to know why Eric's father is not here with us today.  On Father's Day, I have wondered that very thing for five consecutive years now...and obviously at other key times as well.  I wonder why he's been called to Heaven and has to miss t-ball and soccer games, Grandparent's Day, preschool graduations, school functions of various sorts, etc.  I know that he would relish being involved in Braden's Boy Scout activities and that he would put a firm foot down to help stop Garrett's suddenly "smart" mouth...but in only the way a grandparent could.  I know that he would sit in the kitchen and dunk Oreos with my boys (and me, too?) and that he would go fishing with them and their daddy.  I know that he would cherish Ethan the very same way that he doted on Braden and Garrett...the pictures of him snuggling our babies are now priceless treasures.

Our boys have experienced much loss in the way of fatherly figures and they know all too well the devestation of disease and old age.  "Cancer" is a common term for my children, even though they don't fully comprehend what it entails.  Braden and Garrett know, even at so young an age, that everyone's Earthly life will end at some point and that we must trust in God's love to bring us all together again in Heaven.  They remember Grandpa's passing, but were so young when Curley and Papaw passed...they only "remember" the stories we so willingly share of these great men who loved them, but have since gone on before them.  I have some solace in the fact that my grandfathers, at least, lived long productive lives, and were such a huge part of my own upbringing.  But, I am heartbroken at this one time each year that my husband has lost his father before his own children could revel in Papa Curley's love, affection, attention, humor, and wisdom.  These things can never be replaced by anyone else here on Earth, for nothing can replace the special bond between grandparent and grandchild.  I am so sad that our boys will never know that relationship, my own father unable to provide it.

I know that "normal" is a relative term, and to say our boys have a "normal" upbringing is relative as well.  Their normal is a life filled with Mom and Dad, their grandmothers and greatgrandmothers, and countless other adults who almost fill the void left by those who are no longer in our lives.  Our family has been blessed by so many who have reached out to us, created relationships with us, and -most importantly- somewhat bridged the chasm left by the absence of this key member of our family.  There are others in this world who have suffered similar-and worse- loss of family.  There are others who have children with no grandparents to speak of.  There are others whose tragedy far outweighs what we've gone through, and continue to deal with, in the absence of Eric's dad, in particular.  It is not for me to question God's will or to sit around feeling sorry for myself, my husband, or our boys.  But sometimes I just wonder why it has to be this way...